It’s been a while
since I’ve posted my daily thoughts, partly because the past couple of months
have been tough, and partly because I started developing this horrible habit. My
mind has become clouded by thoughts. It’s been negative versus negative. As a
kid I was taught to hide my emotions and that was the start of this negative
self-talk, that constant little voice that kept telling me “I was never good
enough anyways”. It still is a constant battle I fight till this day; the only
difference now is that I now know I am in control of my thought, emotions and
actions. I choose to seek positivity in every situation. Instead of asking
myself “why is this happening to me?” I ask myself “what can I learn from this?”.
Someone once shared
with me this quote.
“Either you must control your thoughts
or the outside forces will control them and be warned that the outside forces
usually consist of fears, worries and doubts.”
I went
through the last couple of month in a haze, trying to capture a sense of
clarity. And the more I fought it the thicker is became. The constant conversations
were so negative and loud that I couldn’t find hope. It was if I was being suffocated
by my own mind. It was swallowing me up whole and I couldn’t get out. My first
thought was to surround myself with family and friends that lift me up but it
didn’t work. I found that I started pushing people away, I became closed off
and I didn’t care. I looked for answers in someone else when I, had all the
answers.
It
wasn’t until my absolute worse thought came across, I knew I had to pick myself
back up and move forward. I spent time alone with myself and my thoughts. I
went to my darkest place knowing that I would be strong enough to get myself
out, I cried and I hated the thoughts that used to consume. And with one positive
action, I became more and more aware of my own reactions. Each day I would do
something that my mind said I couldn’t do, and when I did it, another voice
spoke louder “I knew you could do it”. I started listening to that voice,
little changes that made big difference. Instead of becoming a slave to that
negative self-talk, I became a prophet of positivity.
For example,
waking up the first thing I thought about were the people I loved and how
thankful for having them in my life. I thank the universe for letting me have
one more day to live out my purpose. Waking up with a grateful heart started
changing my response to the world negativity. Now, it’s a challenge I fully
accept.
I
shared this with you because I know how easy it is to get trapped in an endless
dark hole and how hard it can be to get out of it. But you can get out it, you
have to trust yourself.
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